Dream with a Conscience

We never spend time together. You’re either sleeping or working. I hate how I have you, but I don’t.

I walked upstairs of your apartment to get your attention. It’s been a while since we’ve spent time together. Though I have friends and family, I still feel alone without you. When I walked through the door you sat on my right focused on what you were doing. You sat in the chair with a woman sitting in a chair in front of you with her back facing you. It made me uneasy with you touching another woman’s hair. It’s not like you were doing anything explicit. You were making your money. It was you spending time with another woman other than me. I’m selfish. You just tied your hair back out of your face and continued styling. I lost my patience. My unsettled emotions drove me to knocking things over and throwing stuff. Your sister was over at the time and she was on my side. She understood how I felt. She wasn’t participating in wrecking your apartment, but she didn’t try to stop me. The last thing I tried to do before storming out for good was break your window. I threw a metal bar at it, but it didn’t even cause a scratch. I even swung at it. Nothing.

Outside of the window was my grandfather and my uncle doing something to my car. I guess they were cleaning it. The hood of my 2004 Nissan Altima was down like it was a convertible. It started raining and my grandfather signaled for me. He asked for the keys and I walked out on your patio and tossed them out to him.

I walked back inside and your sister mentioned how you weren’t reacting to the situation. All of the anger that spewed out of me and I got no reaction. You still sat there styling the woman’s hair. I got curious and walked up to you. I saw you had earbuds near your ear, but when I leaned forward to look closer, they weren’t even in your ear. You heard all of the commotion and allowed me to continue to wreck your place.

You continued to sit there until you finally finished doing the woman’s hair which wasn’t too long after. You stood up and we all walked out of your apartment and downstairs to the parking garage. I followed everyone out. You asked me to drive you somewhere and I scoffed and told you to ask the girl who’s hair you was styling and ignoring me for. After saying what I said I walked away towards my car and you followed. It stopped raining by that time. I was still headed up the stairs from the garage to get to a floor on the outside of the building. I tried to get away from you, but you grabbed me and stopped me from walking any further. I noticed that you held our baby boy in your arms. He had to be less than a year old. He was adorable and I wanted to hold him, but I was angry at you. I confessed to you how you never spend nor make time for me. What is a relationship if we can’t be together?

You had me hold our child. You told me that you loved me. Then, you reminded me that I had your last name. You also reminded me of all the other ways that you kept me happy throughout the relationship.

The scene changed. We were outside of your apartment near my car. The baby was gone and you were in a tuxedo. We sat down across from each other on these black square chairs with no backs to them. I kept licking chocolate like icing from my hand. We were getting ready to talk when my grandfather sat near us like he was going to get involved in the conversation. It made me uncomfortable so I asked to relocate and we moved to some other chairs nearby. This time you presented a plate with a slice of chocolate cake with blue and yellow icing. I stuck my fork in your plate and ate some. You leaned forward smiling at me because I was being receptive. I leaned closer to you too, and began making our second wedding plans. You just smiled in return.

The scene changed again. We were at our home. It was a bright, sunny day and you sat in our living room talking to me about something random. I was nearby in the laundry pulling a vacuum out for the carpet. The whole while I was thinking back to the time when I was unhappy.




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